This Keeps You Disempowered
“Where shame is power is not.” - Robert Bly “Shame will see us live with the aim of getting from birth to death without ever being seen. A tombstone that says ‘Safe at last’” - Francis Weller
The thing about shame is - we think if we hide it away, we can keep it under control.
You don’t have control of it - it is controlling you.
It has the power when you keep it in the dark.
It keeps you disempowered.
Yet we sit there, convincing ourselves, “No, but my shame is too bad, my shame is different. I just can’t bring it to the light. The world would end, it would be too much.”
We catastrophise.
It won’t be too much. You can handle it.
However, you must be willing to face some momentary discomfort as a means to get past it.
You have to be willing to be seen - truly seen - by those who can help you carry it and put it down.
It’s that or stay under its thumb forever - exhausting yourself as you keep up the lie.
Shame is like a Vampire - it thrives in the dark. Bring it into the light and it’s fucked.
It may just burn a bit at first as you adjust to the light.
Shame be like...
You cannot avoid this part. You cannot shortcut your way through.
You can’t out-busy it.
You can’t out accomplish it.
No amount of money, status, or shiny things will mask it enough so that you feel at peace behind them.
Something external won’t address the issue.
What we hide away, we are shaming, and the longer we do it, the harder it seems to change.
Francis Weller says, “What we shame we treat as worthless. And what’s worthless we avoid and leave alone.”
All you do when we stay in this mode is reject yourself in the exact way you fear others will reject you.
It doesn’t have to be that hard - this mode is a prison, but you hold the key. Choose to stop.
People may judge, reject, laugh at you, even.
Break your heart.
You might feel like a fool, stupid, a failure.
These toughen your skin. Allow your skin to be toughened.
Moving past this armour-laden life can be daunting.
But you get to be supported in it.
And I can assure you, it becomes infinitely easier when you stop trying to do it alone and bring good men around you.
If you’d like to learn more about how I do it in my business, please ask.
When we drop the burden of that armour, we feel instantly lighter.
Bringing others in doesn’t mean burdening them with your weight - but we can help you put down what weighs on you.
Don’t you want to feel lighter, bro?
When you’re not dragging around an armour and all the unprocessed shit from your past, you’re not only automatically lighter, but you have resources to put to meaningful things.
You are stronger.
You become more useful.
You can build stronger relationships, advance your career, and find greater meaning.
If you want this for yourself, then start taking steps to get there. Like this one here.
Over to You
Ask yourself this:
What’s the shame you’ve been hiding in the dark? Are you still convincing yourself that if anyone saw it, your world would end?
You can keep avoiding it, burying it, distracting yourself with achievements, work, money, or busyness… but the truth is, it’s been steering your life while you pretend it’s not there.
When you stop protecting yourself from vulnerability, that’s when you actually start to grow, and trust me life gets a whole lot more.
For a deep dive into this topic, check out episode 81 of Everyday Legends: